Day 90: Nothing Changes on New Year's Day

This is not an end, but a beginning. I'm afraid that my PCP journey is going to have to end in a rather anticlimactic fashion. No fireworks, no celebrations, no indulgences (except maybe for taking a few days off from gym/workout duty). I signed up for the PCP to accomplish a few things. Of course I wanted to lose weight, get stronger, and look better. However, the main thing I wanted to achieve was mental focus and clarity. I'm happy to say that I have lost weight, gotten stronger, and look better. However, unfortunately, my main goal has not been met. I still have "foggy brain" much more often than I would like. This is, of course, not the PCP's fault. I have other things going on in my body that I have yet to fully understand that are causing this compromised mental state. I was hoping that the increased exercise/activity and bulletproof diet that the PCP brings would help me achieve this, but I have come to the realization that the problems run deeper.
"So", you're probably wondering, "what kind of problems are we talking about here"? Well, there are several. I have mental issues going on that may or may not be ADD related. I also have gastro-intestinal issues that range from mild to not-so-mild. Overall they have been mild enough so that I've never truly pursued a solution, and thus they remain. I also have pretty lousy posture. Although these three things may seem completely unrelated, I think they may be connected. I've started seeing a chiropractor, who is going to help me with the posture issues (which will also hopefully indirectly help my bum knee, which he says is getting further stressed because of the way I hold my hips). He says that bad posture can in fact be a major cause of gastrointestinal issues such as what I have (constant gas, bloating, general abdominal discomfort, etc). Consequently (and pardon me if I butcher this - clearly this is an oversimplification), if you're having issues with your digestion, and thus your brain isn't getting all the nutrients it's supposed to be getting, you can eat the healthiest diet in the world and still have all kinds of trouble, mental health wise. Food sensitivities can also cause both the G-I issues and the mental issues, so that's yet another thing I'm exploring.
I saw a new doctor yesterday and gave him the run down of all this stuff to see if he could put anything together. He said that the first thing I should do is go on the "elimination diet" for a few months. So, just as soon as I get off the PCP diet, I have to immediately jump into something even MORE strict (no dairy. no wheat. no tomatoes or potatoes. no shellfish. NO COFFEE (although he said I could have green tea, thank God). Of course no fried or processed crap. and that's just off the top of my head, I'm sure there's more "nos" that I'm forgetting). It is with a certain amount of irony that I notice that several of the things I'm not supposed to eat on this diet are CORNERSTONES of the PCP (mainly milk, yogurt and cheese). So could it be that the PCP diet actually made me feel WORSE? Of course, I don't really know if I'm actually allergic to dairy. The idea is to eliminate all of these foods and then introduce them back into the diet one at a time and see when and where the problems re-appear (assuming that they went away in the first place). So...we'll see how it goes. I'm not super excited about the diet, but I am super excited about the possibility of feeling better, so I'm willing to give it a whirl.
As if all this weren't enough, I'm also going back to school. Just a few classes here and there, nothing major. I'm going to be taking one marketing class and one yoga class, and possibly something else. Today was my first day of both classes, and so far I like the yoga class a lot. It's far from ideal, in that there's about 30 people in a big-ass room and depending on where you are in the room, you may not even be able to see the teacher...but it's a start. I have the feeling that I'm going to continue on with it. Just today's beginner session, while it certainly wasn't anything I couldn't handle, did show me that while I'm fairly strong in some ways, if I added yoga to my repertoire, it could make me WAAAY stronger...and I like that.
So...have I arrived at the place I wanted to be when I first started the PCP journey? Well, unfortunately, no, I'm not. Am I in "Peak Condition"? Well, probably not. Obviously Peak Condition is a relative thing, but even so, I know I could still be in better shape and stronger than I am now, no question about it. However, like I said at the beginning of the post, this is not an end, this is a beginning. I think that the PCP was instrumental in helping me really clarify my desire to feel as good as possible, mentally and physically, as often as possible. While the PCP in and of itself did not allow me to achieve that goal, it definitely set me on the path that will, with any luck, get me there eventually.
Oh...and I'll upload some pics in the next few days. Need to charge the battery for the camera.

To Gym or Not to Gym

So Patrick seems to be kind of a gym hater. Honestly, I can't blame him too much, most of them suck. But then again, most of everything in life sucks, it's all about ferreting out the 2% of stuff that DOESN'T suck. And I'm here to say right now that all gyms are not created equal. If your standard is Gold's Gym or 24 Hr Fitness or any of the other mega-corporate gyms out there in our fine country, who lock you into year-long contracts, and force you to work out in huge, open, agoraphobia-inducing rooms packed with sweaty fat people (or sweaty muscled people)...I can see how you wouldn't like the gym. However, I've been fortunate enough to be a member of two delightful independently owned gyms (the Olympic Health Club in Seattle and West Coast Fitness here in Portland) that I have very much enjoyed patronizing.

Patrick's main beef with the gym, as far as I can tell, doesn't seem to be with the actual gym itself, but with the people who go to the gym. Honestly, I don't really understand what that has to do with anything. I mean, come on, Pat, there are lame people EVERYWHERE. If I decided not to go someplace just on the basis that there would be lame, unhealthy people there, I WOULD NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE. I mean, doesn't it make more sense to base one's opinion of a place on the place itself, rather than the caliber of the people who go there? Anyway - my point is, the gym is what you make of it, no more, no less. There are lots of weights and machines and thises and thats that you can use in any way you want. You can do an entire PCP routine at the gym, and more - or you can do a bunch of stupid exercises that will get you nowhere.

The thing I like about the gym is that by going there and leaving the house, it allows me to really set aside that part of the day for ME and for exercising. There are no distractions at the gym (or way fewer than at home, anyway). Everyone who is there is there for the same reason - to achieve or maintain fitness (whether or not you agree with their methodology). All the equipment you'll ever need and then some is laid out there right in front of you (I never have to search for my door anchor when I'm at the gym).

My current gym has many other advantages that you may or may not be able to find, depending on where you live - i.e. it's a little over a 5 minute walk from my house. It's VERY underused, so it's never crowded. It's not too big, but has pretty much everything I need. It's affordable ($38/mo, I think). Oh...and it's attached to a video store. For real. Before I joined, I would walk past the place thinking "that's gotta be the most bizarre combination of businesses - video store and gym". However, they have three locations in Portland, all with the same combo (both are owned by the same people), so it must be working for them! I'm not a big movie watcher at all, so I've never even set foot in the video side...but it's just funny. As we like to say, "Only in Portland!"

Today we drove up to Olympia, WA to visit my brother-in-law. He has had a massive struggle with drug addiction and mental illness over the last five years or so, and is finally, seemingly on the mend and in recovery. The downside is that the meds he's on for his mental health issues have caused him to gain massive amounts of weight. He's been a very fit guy the whole time I've known him, but since the last time we saw him, I think he's put on 50 pounds. It was a shock to see him that way. However, the meds are also making it possible for him to lead some semblance of a normal life, so there's a tradeoff. He is currently living in a halfway house where he has to be gone for most of the day (the idea is, of course, that he would be working during the day). However, due to his mental health issues, he literally can't work (he would get his supply of meds cut off if he did). So, he's basically forced to wander around Olympia all day with nothing to do and no money. The last time he talked to my wife, he bemoaned the fact that he had neither a skateboard or a guitar, either of which would allow him to spend his days at least doing SOMETHING. My wife told me this, and I said "I bet we could find a skateboard on craigslist for not much money". Sure enough, she found one for $50, and we bought it for him. When we gave it to him today, it was almost like he could hardly contain his excitement over it. It really struck me at that point how such a simple, inexpensive thing could make such a difference in someone's life. We had him skate around a parking lot for a few minutes to show our little boy "how it was done" (he had developed a great affection for the skateboard during the few days it was in our house - he called it a "bo-bo") - and he got winded just from a few minutes of skating.
I know that going forward he will spend a lot of his free time on the skateboard, which will allow him to lose weight, get in better shape, and probably improve his mental state.

I just realized how long this post was. If you're still reading, I sure hope you enjoyed it. ;-)

Back in action. Sort of.

So I had to take 2 days off due to my cold and a whacked out shoulder. Today I am feeling about 80% better from the cold and my shoulder seems to be OK (although the shoulder issue on the right has been replaced with a large knot on the left side of my neck/shoulder)...so I felt like I could get back in action. Jump ropes sucked, but I got through. The rest of my exercises were spotty as well. Push ups (still doing regular ones. I tried the elevated ones and could barely do 10 on my first set) were weak, managing sets of 14-12-10-8-7. Dips were passable - I can't remember if I did the 6th set or not - ovations were pretty good. Biceps - curls were fine but I can't figure out how to do the show-off on the machines at the gym (I lost my door anchor awhile ago, and thus have been replicating the door anchor exercises on the free weight machines at the gym).
I have an appointment with a chiropractor tomorrow, so hopefully he will be able to sort out whatever's going on in my shoulder and neck.
We've only got 10 days to go, and I can't help but feel like I'm limping to the finish line. Not exactly what I'd hoped for, but we do the best we can.

If it's not one thing it's three others

So today I have a cold. Not a horrible cold (Mel), just a mild sore throat, stuffy nose and (further) diminished energy. Plus I somehow threw my right shoulder out of whack. It doesn't hurt when I'm just sitting, but when I do something drastic, like, say, do dishes, or shift gears while driving my car, or pick up my son, I get a mild/medium pain that just feels like something's out of alignment. If it doesn't feel better tomorrow I'll make an appointment to see a chirporactor.

Today is our "day off", so we went and had lunch at a Mexican place (fish tacos for me - I'll have to catch up on my veg intake later) and then took Asa to the nearest park, which happened to be Mt. Tabor (incidentally, one of the only dormant volcanos in the country). We had a nice time at the playground...but now I'm ready for a nap.

A different point of view

The last two days have been challenging. Low to no energy, low motivation, just feel like going slow, which is pretty much out of the norm for me. Yesterday was hot and I rode my bike to and from work. On the ride home I kind of dragged my ass, which I hardly ever do, and thought how it would be a perfect day for a shady porch, a rocking chair, and a mint julep. I don't think I've ever actually had a mint julep, but it sounded like just the thing. Today at work I just could not get started. It didn't help that my wife decided to embark on a major reorganizing project in our fabric area of the store. Organizing makes me tiiiirrrreeed. At the gym this evening I thought of about 100 places that I would have rather been at that moment, chief among them, at home in bed. So I slogged though most of my workout and drove home.

All of this is made even more frustrating by how good I felt on Friday. For no apparent reason, I just woke up feeling really great, and the feeling lasted thoughout the whole day. I was happy, energetic, felt present and in the moment, and pretty much enjoyed whatever it was I did the whole day long. I thought "gee, this is how I, as a human, should feel more often. This should be my baseline". Unfortunately, even with the PCP, this feeling is the exception rather than the rule. I don't know what the deal is, but I don't like it.

Last night, I hooked up with a friend of mine who I haven't seen in almost 10 years. We had a really nasty falling out at that time, and I pretty much vowed that I would never speak to him again. However, time heals all wounds, or whatever, and I ended up discovering (through Facebook, of all things) that he was living in Portland, so I got a mind to consider reconnecting with him. After a few hesitant emails, we agreed to meet up, and we ended up hanging out for 3 hours, just like old times. It was great.

The main reason I bring it up here is that he spent 5 of the last 9 years in the military as an Intelligence operative. When I knew him 10 years ago, he was about 5'7", 120 lbs. A scrawny little shit. He told me that when he was in the military, at his heaviest, he got up to 185 lbs! He said "you would have never believed it, I was actually buff!" However, he also said that he was extremely depressed for most of the time that he was in the service, so in addition to gaining a lot of muscle, he also gained a lot of fat. He said that in the 4 years since he's been out, he hasn't exercised once. Says he hated it, and will be happy to never do another push up for the rest of his life. He has since shrunk down to closer to what I remembered him as 10 years ago (albeit a little bulkier). The point is that he had absolutely no interest in maintaining the muscle that he gained while in the Army.

Now, as someone who is actively trying to gain muscle, get stronger, and look better, this struck me as rather odd. I wonder how much of his experience with working out and being strong is inextricably tied to his experience of being in the Army, which was quite negative, for the most part. I am making the choice to become stronger and look better by working out, whereas he was sort of forced into it. It doesn't sound like he ever owned it, but rather always struggled against it. I guess it's all in how you frame it, isn't it?

Tired and Sore

2 nights ago when I did my workout, I did something horrible to my back. I have no idea what it was, but it hasn't spoken to me since. Especially odd since I wan't actually doing any back exercises! At any rate, I woke up yesterday morning with a massive knot in my lower back! It hurt like hell all day (although I did manage to ride my bike to work and back). I figured if I rested it would be better this morning, but last night it was bugging me so much that I hardly slept, just kept tossing and turning (which is kind of a chore in and of itself when your back is messed up!). Finally at 5am I took some ibuprofen, which helped a little bit - enough that I was able to get 3 hours of sleep before the 2 year old human alarm clock went off. It was still bothering me through most of today, and I was also pretty tired doe to lack of sleep. This evening we went to the Kennedy School soaking pool (the Kennedy School is an old elementary school that's been converted into a hotel with a restaraunt and several bars, a movie theater, and a big soaking pool which is basically like a giant 30-person hot tub) and that was nice and relaxing. Felt a bit better after that, but it also completely drained me of what little energy I had left. Oh, and to add insult to injury, we've had two of the most stressful money (or, rather, lack thereof) related days in recent memory. This too shall pass, but gawd, it can't pass soon enough. Hopefully tomorrow I will feel more on the mend.

Jump Rope Rant #472

So I'm sure y'all are pretty tired of hearing me bitch about my jump rope issues. Well, too bad, here comes another one. You'd think that after over 2 straight months of doign something EVERY SINGLE DAY (practically) that I'd be at least a smidgen better at it than on the first day I started. Well, you'd be mostly wrong. There are still days (like today) where I can't seem to get through 20 jumps at a time without tripping. And let me tell you, 2000 jumps is a LOT of jumps when you're doing them 20 at a time!! There ARE days when things go much more smoothly, and I'm doing sets of 100, 200, 300 jumps without tripping...but those days are WAAAY too few and far between. Everyone else seems have the jump ropes totally nailed by now, but not me. Now, to add insult to injury (or, rather, to add injury to insult, I guess), my left calf muscle all of a sudden has decided that it does not like jumping one little bit. The last 2 days, I've gotten through maybe 200 jumps and my left calf starts to hurt like hell. Yesterday I was able to power though my 2000 jumps, but today I got to about 1200, I was tripping every other jump and my calf was screaming in protest, and I said "fuck it. This is not happening today". So, I don't know if I just need to rest my calf muscle, or if I need to start stretching before my jumps, or what, but something needs to change. Patrick offered that if I send him a video of me jumping he could offer a critique and see if I was doing anything wrong, but that would involve me having a video cam, which I don't. I need to get one anyway, so maybe that is the next step.

Back to the Grind

So we're back from vacation. I would like to say that I was a good PCPer and stuck to the program all three days, but alas, I would be fibbing. First was the issue of jumping rope. Because of my bad knee (and just overall bad joints - listen to me, I sound like an old man), I'm pretty picky about my rope-jumping surface. My choices were A) gravel drive in front of the cabin; B) grassy area in front of the cabin; C) bouncy deck in the back of the cabin; D) hard packed sand near the ocean on the beach. All in all, choice D probably would have been the way to go, but I never quite made it to the beach with the rope. Choice A wound up being the best option - best being relative, because it involved flinging bits of gravel around, many of which collided with my legs while I was jumping, which caused me to curse profusely, which caused my wife to yell "hey, maybe you can finish your jumps later at a park or something".

So, long story short, Wednesday saw maybe 600 jumps, and Thursday none. We got home this afternoon, and my intention was to go to the park and jump, but there was grocery shopping to do, and it was raning. I did get in about 800 jumps at the park before the rain started coming down in earnest, and now my calves hurt like hell. You can't win. Back at it in earnest tomorrow.

Diet wise, we ate pretty well, mainly because we brought our own food and cooked the whole time. We ate only one meal out, which turned out to be a major disappointment (except for Asa, he got a pinwheel which he was very happy with). However, I forgot my scale, so all portions were "ballparked" - but I think I did OK on that front.

Overall, we had a really nice time. If you've never been to the Oregon coast, you really should. It's seriously some of the most beautiful country in the whole world. Not that I've been to the whole world, but I just can't imagine too many places topping it. So, without further ado, here are some pics.

Rockaway Beach. This is where we stayed. The town kind of sucks but the beach is absolutely beautiful...and was pretty much deserted, as you can see.

Rockaway Beach, looking north.

Asa tromping down the beach.

Give me 15 minutes and a beach and something like this is likely to happen.

Cape Perpetua. My favorite place in the whole wide world.

Cape Perpetua, down on the rocks.

Me an' the boy @Cape Perpetua.

We were taking pictures of each other at the same time.

Even with the camera phone, my wife takes better pics than I do.